I could probably tell you a lot about what it's like to be "a girl" now that I've been in one's body for half a week, but I will start by telling you something very specific about this girl... she is tired.
Except when she's not. Sometimes I feel super energetic and engaged or manic, and then I will just crash. Case in point last night. I was up late preparing myself to spill my guts to you and then I got as far as I did and I just... needed to stop. I hit post and went up to bed and flopped down. It's just as well. School starts at 8:15, I can't be up until 3 AM writing. As it is dragging myself through a day is tough probably even on a full night's sleep.
I can, however, start at 11, when everyone else in the house is asleep.
I haven't "written" much more than an Amazon review since graduating university so I don't know how to formulate my thoughts, and I think maybe my mind is a little chaotic (is that biological? Do I have Jessa's... brain somehow with my mind?) I have a lot of things I want to tell you about what this has already been like. But between trying to sort out a direction and typing with these stubby little fingers, things are slow going. So this might come out in bits and pieces.
I need to explain just what I mean when I say I am "a girl." Because that can mean a lot of different things, that much is clear from just looking around the school hallways.
I want to be... what's the word... tactful here. Jessa is not the homecoming queen. Which suits me fine. She's not going to attract a lot of attention, although knowing what I know about how people think when they grow up I have a hunch maybe she'll grow into her looks. She has just kind of a pale, freckly face with some baby fat. She's a little chubby, with a soft belly flab and... well, kind of a big behind and thick thighs. Hey, I don't mean to judge but I have been dressing it all week, I know from where I speak. My point is, shallow horny teenage guys aren't going to be looking at me much like this, which suits me fine.
It goes to show that all this is relative. I bet her dimensions aren't that different from mine, but I was always skinny for a guy. I've never felt "fat" a day in my life. But something about her figure, or maybe just the way her clothes fit her, highlights that aspect of her appearance.
Let's see, what else. Wild ginger hair everywhere. After I showered, I found a ton of strands clinging to me in uncomfortable places.
I'm gonna stop right now. Yes, of course I showered. What would you do after two days in a hot classroom in a strange pubescent body? It would be more disgusting not to shower. Once I realized this was not a dream and I was not going to get put right back, I had no choice.
I... didn't really look, but I didn't not look, and I definitely... touched, enough.
She's the same age as me. I mean, born the same year. Does it matter that I'm from the future and older?
I didn't enjoy it, any more than a regular shower. Which means it was relaxing and refreshing... in the normal shower way. Whatever. It's the body I'm in. I deserve the leeway to take care of it at least.
But yeah, okay, now I know what it's like to have boobs. I am not a fan. Of having boobs that is -- normally I like them a lot. These are not big... comparatively, based on my life experience... but going from having none to having some is a big change. They're sensitive and constantly sore. They hurt just being there sometimes, especially when I've had a bra on all day. Taking it off is a great feeling. But with or without the bra it's one level of discomfort or another.
I can't stop noticing them. When I move, they move, sometimes the opposite direction. Wearing a backpack, running, going down stairs... lying on my back. They just won't stop... boobing. And they're very itchy but if you scratch them ugh look out. 0/10, do not recommend.
Like I said, they're little, but they cause trouble. And let's not even get into the nipple situation.
And of course I no longer have.. um... well let's say I am missing some key components. They are sorely missed. I really do feel incomplete without them there. That said, the feeling of "nothing" between the legs is... if I can put a positive spin on it... maybe "amusingly novel?" I mean, this is something I never thought I would experience. As long as its not like this forever, there are worse things. Just don't tell 15-year-old me I said so.
Um, what else. I haven't shaved in the whole time I've been here, obviously. My face is just naturally smooth now. That's weird to me - I usually had a beard the last few years. Jessa actually has naturally hairy forearms though. Light, fluffy red hairs. I feel like she may get teased for that, but kids can be so stupid. I'm also starting to see stubble come in in my armpits. No leg hair though... yet.
There's more I could probably tell you but I've had enough of a hard time coughing this much up. I'm sure I'll learn more. Tired now. G'night.
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