Sunday, October 6, 2002

Sleepover

Saturday night, Erika and I stayed over at Alicia's house. I'm getting more and more comfortable being around these girls but it still felt like I had crossed over a major threshold. I mean, they undressed for bed in front of me. We undressed in front of each other. And it was like... nothing.

It's a little scary to be next to some half-naked girls and just think "Good for you." Part of me thinks, it's because I'm older inside and what they look like is none of my business anyway, but... like I said, it's a weird difference.

I'm a little surprised to find myself actually going to sleepovers and stuff, let alone actually warming up to these girls, but they really have been my lifeline the last few weeks. Let's face it, the life of the average teenage girl is not a thrill a minute. I could sit in a corner and do nothing with my life but that would be punishingly boring and just give me more chances to feel weird about having this body. Having a chance to actually do stuff to get my mind off of things is always welcome. Plus, outside of the house, I get to have that all-important third slice of pizza with no judgment.

I had one demand when I agreed to the sleepover: we had to hit up Blockbuster. They seemed confused that I made such a big fuss about this very obvious sleepover activity, but I was dying to go. In the future, there are no Blockbusters, almost no rental places at all. You don't get your movies from a surly, underpaid college kid. They're just all available, all the time, "on demand." We've quit renting movies and quit buying them, unless you're like, some obsessed hobbyist. You sign up a "streaming service" and just watch it on your TV or your computer or your phone or whatever. Suddenly, you have unlimited choices but somehow it's actually harder to find something to watch, because the movies on one service aren't on another, and some movies just aren't anywhere that you know of.

So when we walked into that garishly lit rental chain location I wanted to fall on my knees and kiss the filthy, ugly carpet. This used to be like a church to me. Having every option in the world -- well, everything normal folks would want to watch -- lining the walls on a convenient shelf to browse, that was heaven.

There were some guys from school that Alicia and Erika wanted to go chat up, but they were too shy. They were actually my friends Matt and Brett in my original life, which caused me to keep my distance. I have this really weird phobia of my two worlds colliding if somehow I become friends with my old friends, or even their friends. I don't want to be in the social circle of Andrew Gillen from 2002, I don't think I could handle it.

We walked out with a few movies, including American Pie 2. I got the very unique experience of watching this very raunchy teen comedy with some fairly innocent girls who had never seen it before, and watching them gasp at the scene of Jason Biggs super-gluing his hand to his penis. They also laughed a lot... like, a lot-a lot at the scene where the guys were stuck in the house with the "lesbians." 

All I could think was, man... times have changed. I don't think you would put that in a movie 15 years in the future.

After the movie it was a fiesta of girltalk. I was hoping to just sit back and observe but I ended up being put in the hot seat. Alicia demanded to know - was I over Brian? I swore up and down that I wasn't into anyone but I think my stammering half-truths made it seem like I was just being bashful. My body refused to co-operate too, turning my face red and causing me to laugh nervously as I tried to come up with reasons why I, who appear to be a normal, functioning 15-year-old girl, am not interested in anyone. Why does the truth have to feel like a lie??

Eventually they let up and we started talking about Erika's many crushes. Forward from there, it was a nice enough night. I found it very novel to sleep on someone's floor any not wake up with massive back pain. (Erika and Alicia took the bed, it wasn't quite roomy enough for three and I wasn't going to push it.)

I spent Sunday doing homework. I had a few chapters to catch up on for English, and I figured, if I'm going to keep tanking Math, I might as well try harder in the class I have a shot at passing.

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