Monday, October 7, 2002

Going Braless

I remember the first day I got here, being instantaneously dropped into a girl's body, one of the most noticeable things was the bra. As much as the altered body shape and anatomy and the frizzy hair, the feeling of a confining, prodding, poking underwire really grated on me. It was annoying, it was irritating, it was often painful. It was, and remains, impossible to ignore. Every movement I make, the bra moves with - or just as often against - me. My two most sensitive attributes are cooped up in it, so I always feel it on them. And by highlighting them, it makes the world aware of what I "look like" (even if, when I get home and unfasten myself from it, the reality of their shape and size is very different.) 

Ever since then I've been baffled how women subject themselves to this treatment every day. And worse, I've become one of them, doing the very same!

For what it's worth, I don't even like sports bras. I mean, they're definitely less rigid but when you're used to nothing there, it still feels confining to have your boobs held in place.

I was so fed up today that I decided to try leaving the house without a bra. Jessa's mom immediately noticed and demanded I go right back upstairs and finish dressing. I did, but as soon as I got into school, I went to the girls room and took it off, stuffing it in my backpack and putting on a heavy sweater to try to obscure them.

It worked, a little. It was certainly freeing. I felt weird about it, letting them just bob around under my top. They're not big but they're not nothing. They have gravity, they jiggle and move. It felt wrong but differently from how wrong the bra feels. Also, and perhaps this is TMI territory, but the fabric of my top against my nipples was very noticeable compared to the bra. So I did end up feeling a little scandalous even though nobody seemed to care or stare.

What's a guy to do? I accept that, for now, I'm in a female body. I feel like I'm adapting to that way better than I would have expected. But damn if I don't miss the "comforts" of home and not worrying about this stuff.

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