Looks

As I sit here trying to brush out my long red hair and constantly getting snagged on the knots, I can't help but think.... $%^&!!

Man. I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask for long tangled hair. I didn't ask for a soft, round body -- belly, hips, boobs. I definitely didn't ask for acne-prone skin again.

Did anybody?

If you could build your ideal body from the ground up, what would you pick?

I read Jessa's diaries and she seems to feel similarly to me. She feels fat, and ugly, and useless. Whenever she talks about the person she sees in the mirror she refers to it like a curse that's been put on her, not like it's a body she enjoys having.

But so far, she doesn't say what she would prefer. She doesn't talk about wishing she was beautiful, only giving the general idea that she's at war with her body and wishes it were different... somehow, any way. I at least have my specific complaints because I'm coming from a body that served me well for almost 30 years.

I wouldn't say that Jessa is ugly, only that she's nobody's idea of a model. I've said that suits me fine since being "hot", for me, would be way more trouble than it's worth. Yet at the same time, it makes me invisible and seem less valuable to people in general and guys... so if I were someone who wanted attention from people in general, and guys, that would be bad.

She doesn't think anyone will ever love her. The crazy thing is, in the adult world, you never know. So many people have found someone by the time they're my age. I bet a girl like Jessa is someone who really comes into her own after high school, after that pressurized environment that makes everyone anxious. But that's probably cold comfort for a 15-year-old, when that's so many years away.